So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im six kinds of drunk right now
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Come share oat with me in your robe
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