im drinking this country out of the recession.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
