I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
