Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
