went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
