you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
