Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize