I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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