if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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