You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
try to milk me bitch
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
