I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
