Don't you send me to vm
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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