my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You are a genius and a whore.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
