dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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