I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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