This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
