I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
worst night to have a conscience
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
