So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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