this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize