.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize