ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
