I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
