I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
