question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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