im six kinds of drunk right now
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
