i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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