How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
