oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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