____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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