You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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