I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
