Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize