is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
