i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
