Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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