Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
