I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
