Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
