There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
