def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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