Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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