Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
