yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
