guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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