I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
