so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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