Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
