considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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