some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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