erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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