No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We left the knife in your bed.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
