I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
