Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
