I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
