I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
