Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
