I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The beer is more important than you right now.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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