I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
