im six kinds of drunk right now
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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