I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
