i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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