bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
