i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
