I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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