Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
