6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
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