you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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