Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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